No, it's not outdoor guerrilla toilet paper attacks, although I do have children guilty of such underhanded tactics -- coughCameron and coughAlyssa. (Which I don't mind as long as you don't use the Charmin, and preferably buy your own ammo.)
No, this is a private little war. Just two combatants: Emma and me. Locked in determined, unyielding and opposite opinions on what rights a 10-month-old has when it comes to toilet paper.
Since she has been pretty little, I have relinquished bathroom privacy. It's easier if we both can see each other during those few minutes of time. Since she has been crawling, she has claimed all floor areas for her territory. Bathroom included, even if otherwise occupied. Now that she's even more active, horizons are widening, and the new point of battle is that roll of toilet paper, mounted on the wall.
Side Note/Question: In the classic unending argument, which way do you put the toilet paper on the spindle? Do you have the end of the paper exiting from below the roll, or exiting from above the roll? For myself, I used to have it exit from below the roll, as I thought it looked better. But for many years now I have the end exit from above the roll, for a couple of reasons. 1) I take my cue from the hospitality industry, and all the hotels have it exit from above so they can make that cute arrowhead fold for you. And 2) Todd preferred it that way (like it makes a difference? be glad you HAVE toilet paper!) -- and in the interest of keeping the peace, toilet paper falls under the category of "it's so not worth arguing about".
SO. Emma's in the bathroom with me, and she climbs up the wall by the toilet paper, and proceeds to bat at the roll, the way babies do -- because all baby cylinder toys are made to spin like that. Well, I'm no dummy. With the end exiting from above, I can see what's coming: she's going to unroll the whole thing if I don't put a stop to this. A series of "no"'s from me, combined with me physically holding the roll still leaves her unimpressed.
So, thinking to head off the inevitable results, I remove the roll and turn it around so that it exits from below, and Emma's spinning motions will have no impact on roll reduction, because spinning it in that direction doesn't unroll it.
Major Tactical Error on my part: At this point, I made the mistake of helping myself to a few squares for, um, personal usage, and the little stinker SAW it.
Now we've entered a whole new arena. ("You mean you can get sheets off this thing? I want some!") So now she wants to unroll it, no matter WHICH way it exits, so that she can have some toilet paper too.
Ok, time to leave the bathroom!
Next I'm wondering how long it will be before she crawls herself in there and helps herself to as many squares as she wants when I'm not looking. This wouldn't be bad if she used it for its intended purpose. However, ten months is probably a little too soon to potty train, though.
Battle results: Mom, 1; Emma O. But I got the feeling this little war was not over.
Sure enough, that was merely the opening volley.
A few hours later, in another bathroom, Darcie is straightening her already-straight hair in preparation for Young Women. Darcie is unaware that the battle lines have been drawn, and so claims ignorance when I ask her why the toilet paper is in shreds on the bathroom floor. Emma has not even left the scene of the crime yet.
Darcie is now facing charges of high treason, plus aiding and abetting a suspected toilet paper vandal. She is free on her on recognizance.
Em looks suspiciously like this battle will be continuing. Latest results: Mom, 1; Emma, 1.
Bwaha! Just wait until she figures out how to put it in the toilet and flush! ;)
ReplyDeleteRight now our toilet paper is sitting on top of the dispenser, so it doesn't matter which way it comes out! ;)